Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Identity crisis

I'm finding myself struggling with what this new season of the blog is going to be. I know that this is a season of engaging creativity for the purpose of engaging my Creator. But I have a vague understanding of the role that the blog will have, and also a vague understanding of what I will be doing too.

First of all, creativity is something I love about myself and something I desire to understand better spiritually. 
Utility is not the goal of life, I know this, but job hunting and even education is not very helpful in remembering this. I struggle with thinking of creativity as trivial and not of eternal value.

I'm interested in finding the soul in creativity. I don't want to create for the purpose of utility or making money. I am not opposed to this possibility, but I don't want to jump ahead in the creative process by focusing on "how can I make this work for me?".

I also don't want to encourage materialism. This is something I am troubled by in particular. I want to go deeper than my present understanding of what creativity is. What does it mean to be made in the image of the creator God? What does it mean that God charged us with tending creation? What is creativity in relationship? In the church? What does it mean that God created beauty that fades, beauty that serves only the purpose of being beautiful? What exactly is beauty anyway? What is this beauty that inspires such rapture as captured in the words of people like John Muir who said of creation:

"Everybody needs beauty as well as bread, places to play in and pray in, where nature may heal and give strength to body and soul." 

What feeble attempts can I make as a human to capture beauty when I see the simple easy beauty of God's creation? What does it mean for me to engage creativity?

Another fear I have is getting caught up in "finer things" when most of the world is hungry. That just doesn't seem fair. But I feel pretty strongly that God does not give us direction by means of fear. Fear is not God's warning to us. Fear is not of God. And so with humility I will take these fears and questions before God and work through it with God.

No comments: