Sunday, August 25, 2013

39 weeks, 6 days

I never knew I could miss someone that was so incredibly close to me. I have to admit the excitement and anticipation has slowly become accompanied by an ache for my baby girl. And with every well meaning person who asks "no baby yet?" or "well, where is she?" it hurts just a little.

Tomorrow is our due date and I really thought she'd be here by now. I'm trying to remain in the present and enjoy these last few days of waiting for her to get here. It's much harder than I thought it would be. I'm distracted by the noise of decisions that might have to be made. Our doctor is going out of town on the 29th and that gives us until next Wednesday to either go into labor or decide to induce or risk having her while our doctor is gone. This is not a decision I thought I would have to make. And honestly, it's stealing my joy and my attention on the present moment.

This journey has been incredible. I can't believe this part is almost over. She's squirming right now, and in not very long, I won't feel it anymore. I hope I treasure this feeling. I want to marvel at the way my body has done this incredible thing, be grateful for God's faithfulness and protection for the past nine months. I understand in a whole new way what being a vessel for the Lord means, and how honestly I've had so very little to do with his good work. And now in a few days I will understand even deeper his faithfulness to bring his good work to completion. That's where we are right now and I'm standing on the edge doubting. It seems silly to doubt that I'm ever going to have this baby, that I'm going to be pregnant forever. But no joke, those thoughts cross my mind. How much more obviously incorrect could that be? How often do I listen to silly lies like that and believe them?

Lord, don't let me miss this precious time of waiting by worrying and fretting over the future. I know she's coming. I know you have perfect timing. Please help me to trust you and wait patiently for you. I want my baby so much. I want to hold her, to love her, to know her. I'm ready and waiting and aching for her to be in my arms. Lord, you know my heart. Take care of us in these next few days of waiting.

Sweet baby girl, 
We're almost there. You cannot imagine how much I love you. I don't think I can either. I'm overwhelmed by it already. Oh I can't wait to see you and hear you and hold you. I can't believe your due date is tomorrow and that you really could come at any moment! How exciting! This has been such a precious time with you. I pray that your journey into our world is smooth and safe. We will be ready to welcome you into our arms like you are already in our hearts. 
Mom and Dad

No comments: